domestic dilettante, humorless feminist shrew

Apparently nothing that I scheduled to post last week actually posted–whups? I’m not sure what’s up with that. They’ll get doled out over the next week or two.

Today, however, I’m going to post the Great Guide to Cleveland that I end up sending out a couple times a year. Cleveland’s one of those places that can be sort of hard to get, especially if you’re not there all the time. But the thing is that for all the burning river jokes and cracks about flyover states, Cleveland’s pretty awesome.

So here goes: the great rundown of a bunch of cool stuff to do in the Cleveland area. Heavy focus on food, since that gets asked a lot.

Cleveland has a surprisingly great food scene. Michael Symon has three restaurants that are either in Cleveland or right near there: B-Spot (casual place, does burgers, awesome milkshakes, bratwurst, that kind of thing), Lola and Lolita (Lola is pretty formal, Lolita is a little more midrange). All three of them are meant to be fantastic, though I’ve not visited them all. If you decide to hit the B-Spot, I’d suggest getting there earlyish–consider having a very late lunch, maybe. Lolita has great happy hour specials (I think that happy hour if 4-6–double check if you’re interested.)

If you’re into breweries, the Great Lakes Brewing Company is good times–they’ve got fantastic beer (I like the Dortmunder and Eliot Ness, and, if it’s in season, the Christmas Ale) and good food. If you’re into wine, Ohio has quite a few wineries of varying quality. More importantly, we have Vintage Ohio, which is a giant, awesome winefest.

Tommy’s of Cleveland is something of a hipster landmark. Unlike a lot of hipster landmarks, though, the food’s actually good, and Cleveland hipsters are less annoying than the hipsters of other cities, in my experience. Tommy’s is also in a neat little area called Coventry–lots of little independent shops and the like down there. It’s a nice place to walk around. Don’t miss Big Fun for a giant dose of 70s and 80s childhood.

The Flying Fig is a midrange eatery–I’ve only been there once, but really enjoyed the food. Vine and Bean Cafe is more casual and focuses on food that’s produced within a hundred miles of the restaurant. Their menu changes regularly, so I can’t say much about the current menu, but I’ve been there several times and it’s always been good.

If you’re looking for something more casual, go check out Johnny Mango (incredibly cheap, super delicious, very vegetarian friendly,) The Stone Oven, or the West Side Market Cafe. The latter is located inside the West Side Market, which is a historic market in Cleveland–they’ve got basically everything from organic veggies to handmade pastas to whole pigs and goats. Some of the stalls are owned by larger companies, but there are some that’ve been owned by the same family for the last hundred years. It’s a neat place to walk around, and there are actually quite a few eateries in there. All very casual (the Market Cafe is the most “upscale”, and by that I mean that there are tables to sit at), but there’s good brats, any kind of baked good you want, Middle Eastern food, Mexican and Cambodian, plus stuff like gyros, Mediterranean… If you go, climb upstairs to eat on the balcony that overlooks the market–it’s fantastic. The market and everything in it shuts down around three, just so you know.

If you want a crazy-awesome bar, go check out the Velvet Tango Room. Dress up. It’s basically a modern speakeasy, and–as you might expect–is pretty awesome.

If you’re okay walking around looking for somewhere, Little Italy has some fantastic shops and restaurants. Many of them keep weird hours/days of operation, though.

There’s also L’Albatros Brasserie– I’ve heard it’s amazing, though it’s a bit steep for my pocketbook. Blue Point Grille is meant to do fantastic seafood, but as I’m allergic, we’ve never gone.

This is by no means a comprehensive listing, it’s just a bunch of places I’ve been and found memorable for one reason or another.

Moving on to things to do…

If you’re into music, there’s the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Though I haven’t seen it, they currently have a Springsteen exhibit that’s supposed to be great, and Motown exhibit that runs through the end of the summer.

The Cleveland Museum of Art has just opened their newly renovated east wing, and the collection is amazing. Admission, pleasingly enough, is free. There’s also the Museum of Contemporary Art, which is small but neat.

If you’re in a more playing-with-things mood, the Great Lakes Science Center can be pretty fun–they have a lot of hands-on exhibits. (It’s also literally right next to the Rock Hall, so if you wanted, you could do a doubleheader without paying twice for parking.)

This one’s a bit odd, but there’s the William Mather museum, where you’re going through an old steamboat. It’s incredible and I love it, but if you’re claustrophobic, I would recommend against it.

Cleveland has a surprisingly wonderful zoo. Part of it is an indoor rainforest, and they’ve done pretty amazing things with it. It’s also enormous–you can easily spend a whole day there and still not see everything.

Depending on what time of year you’re going to be there, the Cleveland Botanical Garden or the Cleveland Cultural Gardens can be neat. That said, if you’re going to be here before, say, June, it’s probably not worth it, since everything outside will just be mud. Along similar lines is the Rockefeller Park Greenhouse.

Maybe this is weird, but I love taking people to the Lake View Cemetery. It’s absolutely stunning–full of amazing old graves, gorgeous monuments, and there’s a chapel designed by Louis Tiffany (of stained glass fame), which is just as beautiful as you’d expect.

If you want music, check what’s playing at the Grog Shop, the Beachland Ballroom, or the House of Blues. Bonus: Grog Shop and the Ballroom tend to be really cheap, too, with some shows as low as a couple of bucks.

If you want a different kind of music, go check out the world-class Cleveland Orchestra–they’re considered among the top ten orchestras in the world, better than anyone else in America save for Chicago’s Radio Symphony Orchestra.

Theater, go look at Playhouse Square. It’s a fairly impressive theater complex–it’s a group theaters from the twenties that all closed in the sixties. There was discussion about knocking them all down back in the 70s, but a group of people formed a preservation group and between, I think, 1980 and 1999, they’ve totally restored all five of the theaters–it’s gorgeous inside. They do a pretty wide variety of stuff now, ranging from, like, fashion shows to Broadway, and tickets can often be had for as little as $10. (And, okay, they’re a little nosebleedy, but I’ve paid way more than ten bucks for worse.)

For more outdoorsy stuff, there’s the Headlands Beach State Park–a mile of sandy beach, hiking trails, all sort of nice stuff. Also, Cleveland’s Metroparks system is second to none–miles upon miles of trails, wildlife reserves, all sorts of stuff. There’s even a haunted castle!

If you’re interested in kayaking, I hear that 41 North is well worth the price. Rock climbing? Try Kendall Cliffs if you want indoor, or Whipps Ledges if you want to be outside.

Cleveland also has a couple of great independently owned bookshops. Mac’s Backs Paperbacks and Visible Voice Books both come to mind.

If you’re willing to drive a bit further, Kelleys Island (those are two different links) can be a nice visit–bird watching, swimming, kayaking, sailing, swimming, scuba diving (with shipwrecks!), lighthouse tours, and the largest easily accessible glacial grooves in the world, which are pretty incredible.

About the same distance from Cleveland as Kelleys Island is Cedar Point, which has more rides than any other amusement park and ties for the world record of most roller coasters in an amusement park. There’s also a beach, an indoor waterpark, an outdoor waterpark, a marina, a bunch of restaurants, and go-karts. It’s been voted the best amusement park in the world for something like ten years running. I’m basically counting down until Maura’s tall enough to go on the fun stuff.

Somewhat less impressive than Cedar Point (but also more day-trippish) is Kings Island. It’s worth mentioning that Kings Island tickets are discounted by $15 if you purchase them online, which makes it markedly cheaper than Cedar Point tickets are.

If you’re willing to drive the 45 minutes down to Akron, you can also visit Blossom Music Center, which has a wide variety of concerts, including concerts with the Cleveland Orchestra, who are apparently performing with Yo-Yo Ma this summer.

Okay. That’s my incomplete listing of stuff to do in Cleveland. Locals, have anything to add?